for those of you out there like me

hi, my name is bekkah and i am an ISTJ. which means that i apparently don’t smile often enough, am not emotionally invested enough in trivial and temporal happenstances, need to live on the wild side, and require the advice slash input of every ‘E’ on the planet as to which aspects of my personality would be great!! with just a little bit of tweaking… apparently.

it also means that i mean what i say. i listen well, and i get ish done.

and sometimes, i get defensive. like today. when i got what we’ll call a “poor review” from one of the candidates who came into the office recently.

initially i was just like. oh. *shoulder shrug*. but then we had to have a meeting and talk about it…*sigh*

to her credit, my supervisor was very brief and direct this time around, and i could tell she was just bringing it up as a formality,

but this is my party and i’ll rant if i want to. so let us begin with the inefficiency and unreliability of the survey itself, shall we??

for one thing… i’m fairly certain that within the sloppily designed survey, there’s no infallible way of determining who the candidate actually interacted with upon arriving at our fine establishment. a few simple and very likely scenarios that would render any review ~ positive or negative ~ irrelevant include

a. me being absent.

b. me going on lunch.

c. me running an errand, or otherwise needing to step away from my desk at the moment.

so there’s that. and there is also the literal insanity of both the corporate policies and some of the people that come to us for assistance. TWICE in this week (and yes, it’s only Wednesday) i’ve had people look me dead in my smiling face (effort!) and decide to ring the doorbell instead of walking through the wide open door to my desk. like…why is that a good idea? i don’t understand.

also, people don’t read. they don’t listen. they lie. they forget.

they show up 20 minutes late to an interview, not having read the confirmation email that specifically indicates the name of the person they’re meeting with, as well as what items/materials/mindsets they should bring with them in order to be prepared; and they microagress me because i am a woman of color who works as a receptionist and they assume that i am uneducated and they don’t have to do what i say. then they get upset when i use words they don’t understand and remain cordially/professionally assertive as i outline what our company procedures are. they hear what they want to hear and if they’re pissed because their “partner” dumped them this morning and they couldn’t find parking in the city, they’ll likely forget that i offered them a beverage and check ‘no’ in the box. then i have to attend yet another meeting and hear about how ~ despite the fact that i am a generally pleasant individual who does my job meticulously, never shows up late (even when people throw themselves in front of the train to commit suicide and cause hour long delays across the bay), and is super flexible ~ i am somehow not good enough because 2 bad reviews out of 57 good ones somehow means my attitude is not up to par.

so naturally, that makes me give even less of a rat’s unpleasant behind and makes me 67% closer to encourage said persons to kick every freaking rock in San Francisco and hold the FIFA world cup in a gravel parking lot for all i care.

but i don’t. and i won’t.

because Jesus keeps me and gives me grace. and i’ll keep doing what i’ve always done ~ which is treat people kindly and complete my job well.

and let people feel the weight of who i am.

and let them deal with it.

~ b


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