I don’t think anybody gets it. Your thing. That thing you want most, and don’t have, that you’re afflicted with and wish you weren’t. And it’s useless comparing troubles because God knows how to get each of us where it will cut the deepest. It’s part of his sweet and sovereign, intimate knowledge of us; and what allows him to transform us so completely. And no one can really reach that wreckage spot but the two of you.

Following is a verse in Proverbs that I’m currently living through. Ha. I’m still in the first half and praying that the second half is coming:

The heart knows its own bitterness,

and no stranger shares its joy.

You know how sometimes there’s that person and they just keep harping on this thing that happened, or some experience or object they’d like to have but don’t? And after a while, you’re just like, dang chill homie! Focus on the positives, bruh! Good vibes only… I think sometimes that’s healthy and helpful. But to know desire is to know the interval in which it remains unfulfilled. And depending on a lot of different factors you can’t always enumerate, waiting can be very difficult.  And usually, after the good vibes speech from our people, we tend to go silent in those wanting areas because they just don’t get it. And they probably won’t ever get it because it’s not their thing. And if it is their thing, there are also enough differences between you to render that feeling of isolation.

So yah, I’m living in the middle of the first half, but actually, because life is hardly linear, I’m living it all at once, but I’m first half heavy. I have been given this sweet joy ~ more than they have when their grain and wine abound ~ but still sitting with and honoring the reality of deferred hopes that are making my heart sick.

So I wrote a song. It’s probably been about a month since I wrote it, but it’s been the kind of week where I needed it again. The scriptures that inspired this song are Gensis chapters 15-18,21; and Proverbs ~ 13:12, 14:10. So yah. Life. Discipleship. Art.

~ b


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