A few weeks back I started to feel restricted. In work appropriate clothes with compliance regulations and access requests and trainings…mandatory insurance enrolments and payroll deductions and five-year vesting. And all the projected voices confidently declaring what I’d be a fool not to do. I missed the freedom and fluidity of no retirement plan at all; of ripped denim on a Tuesday or just deciding on a whim not to show up…to beach day instead with caffeine and the characters who live next to the whole wide ocean.¬†

After a few days of feeling crazy, I was praying about things and realized that I tend to feel too masculine in highly structured work environments. Coming from a small, estrogen-dominated non-profit arts organization to a huge, state-funded agricultural and engineering university has been a huge blessing with regard to benefits and getting life going here on the East Coast, but it’s also been quite an adjustment.¬†

What I’ve done to soften the edges is¬†pinterest pencil skirts to purchase and keep my nails painted; I’ve curated a more feminine playlist and made plans to plan to keep rich, dark chocolate on hand. I also ordered an essential oils blend I learned about from my Sensei at the ballet studio that’s designed to support female hormonal balance // function.

I googled a list of ways to celebrate and encourage my femininity and saw that caring for plants and shopping were two suggestions I naturally enjoy that are easy to more regularly incorporate in the coming months. Agatha (my air plant) already lives at my work desk along with a welcome plant I was given by my supervisor, but I think I will be on the lookout for more succulents and // or air plants to add to the family. I’ve also gotten a lot better at being a selective shopper in recent years, which means that I can go look and touch and consider things without blowing all my fun money on purchases I don’t value.¬†

I found that identifying what was making me feel wonky, and the feminine-oriented playlist I created have already made a significant difference. I’m looking forward to these upcoming autumn and winter months…being able to implement these intentions and tending to my almost-twenty-eight-year-old soul.¬†

. . . & & 

a snapshot of my curated playlist: 

¬∑ Til’ the End, Waterdeep¬†

· Song of the Saints, Page CXVI

· Jesus I Am Resting, Page CXVI 

· Touch the Sky, Hillsong United 

· Make Your Vision, Cattle & Cane


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