There was a day when I got into Carolina. A day when my faith became sight.

When I was seventeen, I fell in love King Jesus and His Holy Spirit of wisdom and truth and light and peace and joy and faith flooded my spirit. I was regenerated . . . brought to life. Made completely new. That same significant year, I sought the wisdom of God for His will for my life. I wanted nothing more than to see and know and understand the full counsel of His will.

When it came time for me to apply for universities, I had decided on the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I had been recruited, if you will, by Carolina and everything about it appealed to me. I could see myself there – pursuing my double majors of Psychology and Mass Communications, and minoring in Dance {which is not what actually ended up happening. ha.}. I could see myself in all the glorious baby blue paraphenalia Ra-Ra-ing from the stands during football games and studying in the libraries.

I had been told in my youth that you could tell God was leading you to do something if you really didn’t want to do it. That poorly conveyed slice of guidance really damaged my understanding of God’s love and goodness, and gave me a fearful distrust of my own desires that He is still in the process of unraveling. It didn’t help that I am a very literal thinker, and was already a very self-critical perfectionist who struggled to rest and enjoy life. Not wanting to get caught up in the glamor of my imagination, nor be betrayed by the intensity of my desire, I asked God where else I should apply. And He answered me. Softly, clearly, distinctly; He said, Nowhere.

Where else should I apply for college? Nowhere. Nowhere else. Well, ok.

That took faith for me, friends.

At first, I was excited because I took it to mean that I was definitely going to get into Carolina. After all, I could see it in my minds eye. I was practically already there as far as I was concerned. I was fully persuaded. But there was still a process. And also, the matter of provision.

It was easy enough to be stoked and believing when I encountered God and He answered me. Then the questions came. And the high-pitched intonations of, “Ohhh, you only applied to Carolina? ok…”

And peers started to get rejection letters . . . I remember when one friend in particular who I was so sure would get in, didn’t. And I comforted myself by the fact that her second choice was still something she was excited about. Months went by and the harbinger of letter-sized envelopes betrayed the hopes of many. We had all heard that the rejections went out first. And I hadn’t gotten one.

I think it must have been a day in early February that I went to school and it seemed like every high achieving peer of mine had received their coveted 9 x 12 envelopes welcoming them to the prestigious sea of heaven’s shade of blue. I hadn’t been rejected; but they had letters in their hands.

I remember high-tailing it to the mailbox after school that day like my life was hanging in the balance. ha. To my heart’s delight: it was there.

I ran from the common mail area all the way up to our apartment unit, up the stairs, and burst through the front door. My older brother was in the living room and immediately jumped up thinking he was going to have to fight someone. After I exclaimed, ” I GOT INTO CAROLINA!!!!” He exhaled the thought that some joker was chasing me home. Lol.

But you guys,

I GOT INTO CAROLINA.

I believed to see the goodness of the Lord while I was in the land of the living and my faith became sight. The hope deferred had tested my heart, but when it came it was a tree of life { Psalm 27 // Proverbs 13:12}.

In remembering this particular outpouring of God’s faithfulness, I was thinking about how messy it felt to live through. And how some of the details didn’t turn out quite the way I thought they would. God’s orchestration for the financial provision of my college degree wasn’t the specific thing I had in mind, but what He did provide I hadn’t even known to ask for. It was better.

Four years later, I graduated from the Ivy League of the South with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, a minor in Jewish Studies, and no student loan debt. I didn’t end up walking at graduation, or even taking a single picture in a cap and gown but I graduated “on time” and with honors. God sustained me through tragedy and delivered me from the destitution I was facing.

Friends, He is faithful. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk by uprightly. And the upright walk by faith.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize unrealistic expectations I have had about what it’s really like to walk by faith in a world like this one. But I believe God, and my faith is pleasing to Him.

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.

Psalm 27:13

Do not fear. Only believe.

. . . & &

4 responses to “a glory story”

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