The pendulum swing of perfectionism . . . because perspective is a powerful thing. I wonder how much of what feels sloppy to me actually is, and how much of it is me being human and deciding not to fixate on imperfections. I wonder if what has felt so wild and unruly to me at times is merely what it feels like to be resting.

There is a component of my personality that tends towards laziness, so I am sensitive to swinging too high and far away from a pursuit of excellence. What I’ve discovered is that the difference is in what it means when a flaw is found . . . if my sink is full of two-day-old dishes when Maintenance comes, or I discover a grammatical error in an old blog post.

What image is marred, what critical disapproval do I lodge against myself, what do I believe is most true about me when I misspeak or misstep . . . when I overlook a detail in a tedious process, or overlook a person when they need me to share Jesus?

The rest that is available in the pursuit of godliness and personal excellence is deeper than image and outcomes. My worth and status do not fluctuate with the absence or awareness of a {perceived} flaw.

And I place ‘perceived’ in pretty parenthesis {brackets?} because sometimes what I have determined is a flaw in my personality has actually just been an underdeveloped gifting. One of the prominent examples that comes to mind is my candor. There is nothing wrong with speaking truth clearly and without apology, but it should be done in love . . . in gentleness and with respect {Ephesians 4:15, 1 Peter 3:15, 1 Corinthians 13}. I should also be selective . . . slow to speak and quick to listen, and slow to get angry when people don’t readily receive all of my brilliant and thoroughly contemplated thoughts. ha. {James 1:19}

And sometimes, it’s ok to let something go unsaid. I don’t have to have the perfect wit, wisdom, or wherewithal for every single interpersonal interaction. I can, however, get better at consistently showing up by faith in love . . . not needing to present myself as having it all together for my own misdirected glory, but able to emanate the secure and transformative love of God. What a relief. . .

ice cream thursdae

french vanilla ice cream

freshly boiled + browned cinnamon honeycrisp apple

oatmeal walnut chocolate chip banana muffin {warmed}

a dollop of warmed cashew butter

. . . a second helping, minus the honeycrisp . . .

. . . & &


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