Rain showered suddenly on my windshield, three minutes from ‘home’ as I analyzed the quality and notes of a dark chocolate campfire mocha . . . a bulky item from the red box store to unload. This is actually really beautiful; I’m not even mad, was the thought brought to me by the combination of sky water and good coffee and the Portland Cello Project’s rendition of Pitselah.

God seems quiet today as I struggle to rest. Like the children I babysat last night; thrown off by – though welcoming – the presence of a new friend. One sleeping in the next room, two clinging and another being tempting to sin, I did my best to encourage them, guys – let’s rest. No more shoving, no more drumming, no more fits of covetousness . . . let’s rest.

I am trying my best.

And maybe that’s the problem, ha.

The rain stopped nearly as suddenly as my decision to appreciate its fleeting moment . . . brief enough for me to think, beauty isn’t always convenient.

Beauty isn’t always convenient.

I think of the comments section on surf vlogs with all the envious Must-Be-Nicers and wonder what those people are willing to get up at 3 or 4 AM for . . . what are they willing to travel and risk for? What fears are they overcoming? Probably few.

Judgers aren’t doers. Finishing something humbles you.

Love is meek and merciful. Like Jesus.

Beauty takes effort and is often costly, yet offers itself in generosity. And. It can only make itself so easily accessible before it loses its lure. Beauty must be arisen to; sought out; pursued. So much of what makes it beauty is the quiet confidence of merely existing; undeterred and unbothered by being so often overlooked.

Be beautiful in your heart by being gentle and quiet. This kind of beauty will last, and God considers it very special.

1 Peter 3:4, contemporary english version

So little is stopping most of us from rising up to rest and behold the dawn . . . participate in each day’s morning song. Mindsets & ways of living. Imperfect moments; addiction to aesthetic; the impulse to drag and tear everything down. The inclination to feel entitled to what you probably would’t even do or enjoy even if you had access to it . . . because in some ways you do. Nearly everyone in that comment section could probably wake up early and find some accessible vigorous adventure. They could find something they are good at. If nothing else, they could find something positive to say.

I’ve been thinking about and experiencing how God’s people perish for lack of knowledge because they have rejected it {Hosea 4}. The world is cloaked in darkness because men love it more than light {John 3}. People experience so little intimacy and friendship with God because they prefer the praise that comes from people {John 12}. And because they don’t really want to change.

I know God is patient, but I am getting the feeling that He’s not going to tell me again. Did your parents ever say that? Ha. Along the lines of, whatchu not gone do is I’m not gone tell you again . . . for those of us who weren’t buck enough to knuck, we knew exactly what we weren’t going to to do, and we knew they weren’t going to tell us again.

At some point, I have to stop trying to rest, and just do it. I have to stop trying my best and just be. Just receive.

Just live drenched in finished love and encompassing mercy.

ways to rest

  • close the tabs on my internet browsers . . .
  • replace some phrases . . . “I need to get my life together” • “get it together, Beks” >> God is perfecting that which concerns me {Ps 138} . . .
  • eat water {apples & iceberg & celery & grapes} and cast my cares on the LORD . . .
  • stop skipping songs on playlists; no more opening car doors in the middle of the music . . .
  • order a small more often . . . 12 ounces are plenty and cozy to hold . . .


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